A Better Approach to Bullying?

The nature of a bureaucracy is to develop policies to address problems. Policies are a standardized set of rules and consequences that can be applied to various situations that generally mean less actual consideration of the facts by the individuals authorized to apply the consequences. Policies are seen as an efficient way to move forward and get past a broad spectrum of problems the system may experience. Because they are broad in scope and purposely disregard specific details, policies are often ineffective. This is never more obvious than when you look at school policies. Stripped of the cumbersome details of the individuals and circumstances, consequences meted out according to policy are often out of proportion to the infraction and, frustratingly, never seem to make the problem go away.

Take the problem of bullying. Can anyone point to an effective policy against bullying? Not really. There are programs that have some impact, sure, but policy rarely affects the problem of bullying. Can anyone point to horrible outcomes based on anti-bullying policy? Absolutely.  The blogosphere is full of them.

This week we have a case of bullying in Arizona that did not rely on policy to produce a happy ending. It ultimately came down to people making a personal connection and a mother working outside the official system to try to help her daughter.

QUEEN CREEK, Ariz. -- This story starts with high school hierarchy. The kind where kids like seniors Carson Jones and Tucker Workman sail through their classes and lead the undefeated football team.

“It's senior year, you know, it’s pretty exciting," Workman said. "It’s a rush, it goes by so fast but it’s fun."

At the same time, students like Chy Johnson just try to make it through the day.

“The girl threw trash at me," Chy said, describing one of the girls who bullies her.

The 16-year-old sophomore was born with a brain disorder, and kids picking on her because of her differences have always been a part of life. But this year, her mom had enough of her coming home crying every day. She decided to call on a family friend for help. It was Carson Jones, starting quarterback.

"I emailed Carson and told him Chy was having some issues," Elizabeth Johnson said. "I just wanted names...but he took it a step further and went and gathered her at lunch. And she’s been eating with them ever since!"

From first hour through the end of the day, Chy’s guys from the team make it a point to look after her. And this group’s newfound friendship has changed the high-school game.

“They’re not bullying her anymore because they’ve seen her with us or something," Jones said.

It's nice to be able to share a story with a happy ending every once in a while.

Does Your Child Have the Right to Self-Protection and Self-Defense at School?

This book might go against Arne Duncan's on the Department of Defense's ideas on dealing with bullies. 

The Departments of Labor and Health & Human Services are sharing information and directing programs with the Department of Education.  The DOEd door is now open to the Department of Defense.    

From Family Matters Blog: Websites Teach Kids How to Deal With Bullying: 

 

WASHINGTON, Aug. 30, 2012 – The start of school is a good time to talk to children about the complicated and heartbreaking problem of bullying. Fortunately, there are at least two good websites devoted to the cause.

The Federal Partners for Bullying Prevention website, created by the Health Resources and Services Administration and its eight partner departments, is offering a video challenge to help prevent and end bullying in schools and communities across the nation.

The contest invites youth ages 13-18 to create a 30- to 60-second video to inform and motivate youth to prevent bullying. The videos should promote an environment of kindness and respect for others, and show how not to be a bystander to bullying, Education Secretary Arne Duncan says in a video on the site. Video entries must be submitted by Oct. 14.

The Department of Defense Education Activity has joined in the federal partnership and has its own Web page on bullying preventionhttp://www.dodea.edu/StopBullying/ that gives advice to parents and kids about how to deal with bullies and prevent it.

For parents, the DODEA site advises:

-- If your child is being bullied, talk to his or her teacher instead of confronting the bully's parents. If no action is taken, talk to the principal;

-- Teach your child nonviolent ways to deal with bullies, like walking away or talking it out;

-- Role-play bullying scenarios with your child and help your child act with self-confidence;

-- Practice walking upright, looking people in the eye, and speaking clearly;

-- Don't encourage your child to fight -- he or she could get hurt, get in trouble or start more serious problems with the bully; and

-- Involve your children in activities outside of school so they know they can make friends in a different social circle.

The site offers these tips for children:

-- If you are bullied at school, tell your teacher, school counselor, or principal. Telling is not tattling;

-- Tell your parents or other trusted adults. They can help stop the bullying;

-- Don't fight back. Don't try to bully those who bully you;

-- Try not to show anger or fear. Students who bully like to see that they can upset you; and

-- Try not to be alone in places where bullying is likely to happen, such as bathrooms or locker rooms.

The list of suggestions say nothing about practicing self-defense except to alert adults and stay out of a bully's way.  In fact, self-defense is frowned upon.  I've highlighted those sentences in each list.  For both the parents and students, it emphasizes telling the school teacher or administrator as the best mode of action.  

While I'm not advocating creating unprovoked physical fights, I am a mother who told her children if they were attacked, they had every right to defend themselves.  Isn't this the underlying belief on self-defense classes for women?  Here are some thoughts about self-protection and self-defense for women that could be applied to bullying situations as well, especially when they escalate to physical actions:

Self defense and self protection are an important priority for women. The most common crime to happen to a woman is rape, but it is more about a feeling of dominance from one person over another rather than actual sex. According to statistics, the majority of rapes are perpetrated by men who women know. Assault on women is also a common crime because assailants assume women will be more passive and not fight back; this has to do with stereotypes of women. The best way for women to fight back against crime is to prevent it from happening by avoiding being alone or being in badly lit areas. However, getting into such situations is sometimes inevitable.

The majority of rapes occur in the victim’s home. According to the Bureau of Justice, almost 40 percent of all rapes take place in the female victim’s home. In the event that rape prevention fails—such as by avoiding problem areas or making sure a woman is never alone—the best chance for survival is to fight back. Fighting back is not just necessary, but it is a moral right because protecting one’s self is paramount. 

...Women should always rely on their brains for self defense, particularly when it comes to forming the right staying-alive attitude. Using the brain for self defense is intimately tied to prevention. In order to use prevention methods to lower the risks of becoming crime statistics, women have to first use their brains to come up with the right precautions. If prevention falls short, then women will have to rely on their brains anyway in order to implement the physical actions necessary to protect themselves.

Why isn't this "moral right" included in these videos and statements from the DOD?  When did protecting one's self involve running to tell an adult to stop bullying?  Fighting is not appropriate in all bullying situations.  But if a child is being physically attacked and there is no adult around, shouldn't a child understand he/she is not impotent and learn how to protect him/herself?  The DOD lists propagate an attitude of students not being able/allowed to defend themselves and that the only way to deal with bullies is to tell an adult. 

This article, "Teaching your Child to Fight Back Against Bullies" makes the DOD's suggestions to parents and students on dealing with bullying look tame:

Talk to your child to find out who the bully is and what he or she has been doing to your child. This may be difficult, because most kids are ashamed to let their parents know what awful things have been done to them. You must press on and find out all the details. Either the same day you find out, or early the next morning go to the school and talk to the highest-ranked person there (probably the principal) and scream bloody murder.

Once again, over-react. If you are gentle in your approach with the school, little if anything will be done. 

Demand that the bully be taken out of that class, or expelled from the school. Threaten law suits against the school and against the parents of the bully if there is even the slightest bullying against your child. If you don't get results go to the school board, pursue legal action. 

Make life a living hell for the bully that attacked your child. Your son or daughter will probably hate all the attention you are putting on the situation, but for sure they will thank you for it later, and it is your primary job as a parent to protect your child from harm. Follow up after your complaint to the school. Ask your child if the bullying has stopped, go back to the school over and over again until you get what you want. No one messes with your child. 

One Alabama school district is using a different tactic than what the DOD espouses.  It is teaching students and district employees to defend themselves against violent intruders.  It is tailored toward a Columbine situation rather than an everyday bullying encounter, but the lesson on the extreme version of bullying (terrorizing a large group of people) is important: 

Police Lt. A.B. Green, who is overseeing the training, said hiding from intruders is sometimes not enough. 

 "We can train teachers and students to a certain degree. At a certain level, though, we have to train the students to use their last resource, which is to defend themselves," he said. "We want to remind them that they can also fight for themselves using whatever they can use. It's more like, if all else has been exhausted, you fight for your life."

 

The city school system's current lockdown procedure has city school employees locking doors and hiding from intruders who come into a school. Now, employees are being told to flee from the intruder, and if necessary, fight. Students will soon receive the same training.

"What the training really encourages is more than simply stopping and hiding," said Green. "That's really what we've been teaching nationwide is everybody stopping, locking the doors and hiding where you are. Those concepts work, but they're not an absolute."

...Running and throwing things at an intruder are the main lessons Payne-Giles said the training taught her, but she also learned what to do if an intruder gets into physical combat with her or anyone else at the school.

"If they get too close, they teach us how to restrain them," she said. "One smaller woman can't restrain a large man, but what about three or four of them? That's why the training is not about doing it by yourself. It's about attacking en masse."

How do you as a parent instruct your child on bullying?  How would you as a parent deal with a bullying situation to school administrators? 

  





   

A Win For the Victim Of Bullying But No Real Solutions to Bullying Coming From Policy Makers

This week's lawsuit settlement by the Ramsey Board of Education, paying former student Sawyer Rosenstein $42. million, while not a legal admission of "a violation of any law or duty owed to the Plaintiffs,” (from the official RBE statement), is certainly an indication of failure of any anti-bullying policy or program the school had.  The facts of this case are these. Sawyer Rosenstein sent emails to officials at Eric Smith Middle School – a guidance counselor, an assistant principal – about the harassment he experienced from another middle school student.  He wrote:

“I would like to let you know that the bullying has increased. I would like to figure out some coping mechanisms to deal with these situations, and I would just like to put this on file so if something happens again, we can show that there was past bullying situations."

The school took no action at that time to address the grievance or protect Sawyer. On May 16, 2006, three months after he wrote this e-mail, the same bully punched Rosenstein so hard that he fell to his knees. Two days later, he screamed out at home.

"We picked him up and called an ambulance," his father told the newspaper. "He hasn't walked since."

For as much as focus as there is on bullying these days, there are few success stories about programs to stop it.  Most of the programs simply identify it or allow some reporting mechanism. The actual stopping of it is far more problematic for school districts.

 Psychology Today reported, "School principals, in particular, are going nuts today dealing with bullying issues. Never have hostilities been higher. When the school administration gets involved apprehending, investigating, interrogating and judging bullies, kids get angrier at each other and the alleged bullies get angry at the school administration. The parents of the kids get angrier at each other. Whichever set of parents feels the administration is unfair to them gets angry at the administration, goes complaining to the school district, and sometimes hires lawyers to sue the school or district. Rather than bringing peace to schools, anti-bullying laws are turning them into war zones. Anti-bullying laws are a Catch 22. They require schools to eliminate bullying by treating it like a crime, but the very attempt to enforce the laws creates an intensification of the bullying problem."

Many schools have adopted a policy of "We didn't see anything here,"  which is ironic as, my son pointed out, they have cameras all over school saying "Smile, you're on camera." If schools don't admit they have a problem, there is no record, they can't be found at fault.  That becomes a truly advantageous position to be in whether you have angry parents swearing their darling was not the instigator and threatening to sue, or parents swearing their child was bullied and threatening to sue.  There is no evidence to prove the school did anything wrong, and that's what they are most worried about.

In cases where the school truly doesn't know what happened because there were no witnesses, many have adopted a policy that would never fly in a regular court in an assault case.  Similar to the reasoning that a woman wearing something that could be considered provocative was "asking" to be raped, many schools have decided that if you were in there fighting you must have added to the problem in some way and are therefore also guilty. 

This happened to nine-year-old Nathan Pemberton of West Elementary School in Colorado who was suspended from his classroom this week following a physical altercation with a bully who had been harassing Nathan for weeks. "In accordance with the school’s policy on fighting, both the bully and victim were punished."


Nathan's parents made the only decision they could.  They decided they would rather see their son suspended and whole, than damaged but in compliance with the school's policy. They told him he had the right to stand up for himself and fight back.  He was suspended, but if his story ends as many other similar stories do, he will not have to fight again. There is anecdotal evidence that standing your ground earns you the "street cred" necessary to stopping the violence. The problem may be solved, but the school gets off scott free and Nathan will have a blot on his permanent record. It doesn't seem right.

Sawyer Rosenstein's email in 2006 turned out to be the key piece of evidence that won the settlement for him. In his case the damages were not merely punitive. "Rosenstein was paralyzed from the waist down due to a clot that had formed after the blow in a major artery above his abdomen. When the clot moved down to his spine, it burst, leaving him paralyzed. Complications resulting from his paralysis, such as scoliosis, led to 19 surgeries and a complete spinal fusion. He almost died several times, Youngman said." (MSNBC)  The family has a lot of current and future medical bills that they are going to need to cover. The bully's family also settled out of court, but school districts have much deeper pockets.

American experts agree that at least 25 percent of students across the nation are bullied in traditional ways: hit, shoved, kicked, gossiped about, intimidated or excluded from social groups. Another survey of student ethics reported that 47 percent of students had been bullied in the last year.

The National Association of School Psychologists reports these facts about bullying:

• Bullying is the most common form of violence in our society; between 15% and 30% of students are bullies or victims.
• A recent report from the American Medical Association on a study of over 15,000 6th-10th graders estimates that approximately 3.7 million youths engage in, and more than 3.2 million are victims of, moderate or serious bullying each year.
• Between 1994 and 1999, there were 253 violent deaths in school, 51 casualties were the result of multiple death events.  Bullying is often a factor in school related deaths.
• Membership in either bully or victim groups is associated with school drop out, poor psychosocial adjustment, criminal activity and other negative long-term consequences.
• Direct, physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school.  Verbal abuse, on the other hand, remains constant.  The U.S. Department of Justice reports that younger students are more likely to be bullied than older students.
• Over two-thirds of students believe that schools respond poorly to bullying, with a high percentage of students believing that adult help is infrequent and ineffective.
• 25% of teachers see nothing wrong with bullying or putdowns and consequently intervene in only 4% of bullying incidents.

The last two points are critical.  Two thirds of students believe schools respond poorly to bullying (and news reports seem to prove them correct.) And teachers (the adults kids are supposed to go to for help with bullies) only intervene in 4% of bulling incidents.

Parents - if you think your kids' school is going to protect your kids, think again.  They are first and foremost going to protect themselves. You must be the ones who take action because if you wait for the school to do something, you may be too late to protect your child. Zero tolerance policies like those in Colorado must be abolished. Children must be allowed to defend themselves. Administrators who decide to enact their own personal zero tolerance policies need to be called on the carpet every time they punish a victim and fired if they continue to mete out such punishments. Failure by the school's parents to take these kinds of actions can set that school up for a Columbine experience.

 Parents had more advice for other parents with kids who are being bullied (from MSBNC),

The key part of this story is the documentation. And, the documentation has to be something that is not in the hands of the school. The school will "disappear" all documentation in the case of an injury (probably before). Meetings with a principal are going to be written down by the principal (do you really think that s/he will put down anything that will make the school liable?).
 
Yes, the email messages were key. Everyone needs to be CC'd on the matter, and everyone should take to doing this. Each incident should be written up and emailed. The student should be able to document, and have a document that is recognized in court, of his/her own version. Once students who are bullied start to document the bullying, and parents have access to documents which will be recognized in court, then something can be done.

Schools figured out long ago that if no one speaks to the press and they keep all their own documentation private, that no one can do anything. Theoretically, one has a right to the documentation kept by the school and by teachers--but try to get it. I did once, and the principal knew full well that if I got a copy, I could sue. I never did get the documentation -- and my daughter was treated badly from then on. Someone needs, also, to enforce the law that says that one should be able to get documentation--one should not have to hire a lawyer just to get schools to comply with the law. A certain number of cases in which they refuse, and the principal should be immediately fired.

School administrators that have accepted it for years as "rites of passage" are learning that bullying is not, nor ever was, "innocent fun" just because the perpetrators were usually the cool popular kids from good families. They were in denial and now are facing real life in this age of instant media.