A Little Bit of Wisdom For The Weekend

Wisconsin's streets are filling with union protesters. Ohio is joining in, and is likely to be followed soon by New York and California. The middle east seems to be on the precipice of a meltdown. The seemingly slow devaluation of the US dollar is causing dramatic rises in prices elsewhere in the world adding fuel to the fire. It's easy enough to find bad news out there, so instead I thought I'd give you a break and share a little humor with you all from an e-mail about paraprosdokians making the rounds. Since this blog is about education and education is the passing on of life's wisdom from one generation to the next, here are some pieces of wisdom to brighten your weekend.

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• What most of us want is not a career, but rather pay checks.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR"..
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.